I don't "iPhone," and right about now, I'm feeling as if I never will.

I'm not part of the in crowd or the smart crowd, or the living crowd. All those crowds following the hype this weekend as the second generation Apple phone comes to market.

It's embarrassing to admit, and it's no reflection on Apple's savvy mobile device, but I just have no yearning to see it, touch it, play with it.

Heck if I didn't see the word iPhone again for a year I wouldn't miss it.

Am I suffering mobile device malaise? Or mobile device dysfunction? Or maybe just plain dysfunction?

The thing is I love mobile innovation. New technology stokes me.

So why doesn't the iPhone give me a thrill? I mean I'm a huge Macintosh person. If I was a huge music person I'd like be a Pod person.

Maybe it's the electromagnetic rays from the nearby cell tower doing brain damage.

Oh wait, I don't have any tower near me. Maybe it's standing in the rain talking on a cell phone that is causing my iPhone dysfunction.

The one thing I have enjoyed these past weeks have been those blog-fueled conspiracy theories about iPhone deliveries, or lack of deliveries, and sightings of Apple crates on loading docks around the whole issue on the dearth of the device in the past weeks.

That tweaks my twitch.

Is Apple hoarding first generation devices? Did they 'really' sell out or just pumping the market?

Will the first generation of iPhones disintegrate in users' hands instantly come Monday when the second generation goes live?

But then again conspiracy always intrigue me.

I mean really, who doesn't like a good conspiracy now and then.

I'm not saying those theories, or the supposed thought behind them, hold water. I'm just sick of the 'what will the next iPhone have' conversation.

A bigger screen? A smaller display? A bigger keyboard? A smaller keyboard?

Unless it has some 'beam me up Scotty' function that takes Steve Jobs to Mars right from his presentation stage, I can't get excited about it for some reason.

And no, before any Apple people come calling, I'm not wishing Steve an unexpected trip anywhere ok.

But come on. It's a phone. I like phones. I love innovation.

But yikes, the media overload on the iPhone arrival is more intense than CNN coverage on the change in smoke when a new Pope is named.

And who's to blame? Well, yes, the media. More likely the blogsphere.

I know what you're thinking. Stop reading about it. Right. I try.

But thanks to email alerts, RSS feeds and every other push-to-me technology it just keeps coming in waves.

I think I'll just take the Family Guy strategy.

I'll just sleep in very late Monday. By noon it will all be over.